Bukhari Explains: Growing Apart

One of the hardest thing you have to learn all on your own is that people grow apart. And sometimes, not always, that means separation. 

No matter how close you were with someone, someday you wake up and you realize that you haven't talked to them in months. You haven't texted them in weeks. And you haven't thought about them in days. 

You guys are still best friends. They still mean a lot to you. But you grew apart.

You love them. You care a lot about them. Your feelings towards them haven't and will never change. You wouldn't hesitate to be the shoulder for them to cry on whenever they need it. You would still die for them.

But you grew apart. 

Because as we get older, we change. We learn new things. We change our ideals. We change the way we view the world. We change the way we carry ourselves.

And they change, too. 

And unfortunately, sometimes changing means that you are no longer walking on the same road. 

We meet new people and we love new people.

And they learn new things and they discover new places.

And when you do meet with each other, it's as if you've never stopped talking in the first place. You reminisce the times you used to have. And wishing you can go back to the way things were. 

But you've grown apart. Somehow they no longer fit with your puzzle pieces like how they used to. 

And eventually you will say your goodbyes and you will tell them to take care. And you make them promise to call you whenever they need you for anything.

You love them and they love you.

But you just simply... grew apart.

Bukhari Explains: Why We Don't Always Wanna Talk About It

Everyone is fighting battles that no one else knows about. Our silent struggles. Our secret battle wounds. Our hidden scars.


We can talk about it. We can tell our friends. We can ask our family for help.

But we don't. Not always. Not even when they offer their help.

Because despite of everything, you know once they get into the same battle as you are in, they will get hurt. Maybe not as much, but maybe even more.

Our struggles will be their struggles.

Our battle wounds will be their battle wounds.

And our scars will be their scars.

And we love them too much to not let that happen.

We love them too much.

It doesn't make sense. I know. 

I am not saying you shouldn't talk to people about it. I am not discouraging you to tell people about your problems. 

I am just saying that, I understand if you won't. It's not that you don't trust people. It's not that you are being stubborn, antisocial and wanting to be independent. 

It's you, in your own ridiculous way, of protecting the people that you care about. 

Friends VS Boyfriends

I miss those days when people are not busy looking for a relationship. Seems like nowadays everywhere you turn you'll see new couples popping up like mushrooms. Hormones? Seasonal flu? Whatever it is, i seem to be immuned to it. 

At just a glance this tweet probably seems factual. That is, however, impossible to determine because there is no valid experiment to prove this theory and im pretty sure no valid statistic has taken place before this 'fact' came up.

But why the popular belief that people who are in a relationship tend to lose a friend a year?

Maybe because we all have lost a friend that way?

People change when they get into a relationship. No doubt. You are just not the same anymore when you've made that kind of commitment. And this change IS NOT BAD. In fact, i think it's mostly good. From my humble view, people who are in a relationship tend to become more matured, wise, loving and protective. They HAVE to change because suddenly, they don't just live for themselves anymore, but for somebody else. That kind of responsibility changes you.

So why the hate? Why do we, the single, left-out friends, moan and complain on how much our friends have changed and how much we miss the old them?

Because we're actually scared. Suddenly, we might not be the most important person in our friends' lives anymore. Suddenly we have to share. Suddenly, this newcomer steals the spotlight. Suddenly, there's competition.

We don't hate how our friends have changed, we're scared of how a relationship changes the dynamic of the friendship.

Bros before hoes? Great in theory, poor in practice.

In total honesty, I DON'T think that people who are in a relationship lose friends because they became overly occupied with their partners and started ignoring their friends.

I believe the real reason is that we, the friends, started ignoring them first.

We hated sooo much of the possibility that our friends might change - WE ourselves changed. We become bitter. We push away our friends and their partners because we're scared. We think that "Before they hurt me, I should retreat."

We ignore invites to go out because we hate being the third-wheel.

We dismiss an invitation to lunch because we gag every time we see them hold hands.

We don't pick up the phone call because we know, they're gonna talk about their partner and how amazing things are - when all u can think of is how much you don't wanna hear about it.

Maybe it's just me. Maybe I'm not matured enough. I should get used to the fact that we're getting older, and finding partners is an important part of growing up. That wanting to find the missing piece of your heart is nature's way of showing that we're entering adulthood.

I just miss those days when you're "friends forever". But now it seems like you're "friends forever, at least until one of us gets married".

But hey, whatever happened to 'I'm happy when you're happy'? Aren't we supposed to be happy that our friends are happier that way? We should be. 

And we will. I'm in the process of accepting that maybe relationship isn't the enemy here, maybe it's me.

We shouldn't let our fear of losing the friendship change us in a way that we start building a wall between our friends and us. We should see that a relationship as an extension to our circle of friends, that our friend's partner is also a friend of ours. And if our friend loves him/her that much, maybe we should put in more effort to at least be happy for them.

I have no idea why I'm crapping about this at such hours. Sucks to be you for reading it till this far. Hahaha.

I promise I'll update more. Until later, then. 

XOXO

Of Being Just Friends

Everyone talks about being Friendzoned. How much it hurts... how embarassing it can get... how pathetic you can feel. In fact, what scares us the most about confessing our real feelings to our friends-who-we-want-to-be-more-than-just, is the infamous phrase:

"I think we're better off as just friends".

Because we don't wanna be JUST friends. We can't sleep, we can't eat and we can't stand knowing that THAT person you love is just a touch away but you can't have them the way you wanna have them. 

So, you see, above all people, i know how it feels...

But no one talks about being the person who does the friendzone. The friendzone-r. The 'bad' guy.

No one talks about how hard it is having to say to your bestfriend, 'I don't like you LIKE that'. No one seems to care that as much as the person who is friendzoned is hurt, the person who friendzones is in deep pain too. It seems less tragic, less pitiful... but the pain is real.

So when you told me you like me, i already knew. It was obvious but I was hoping that I was wrong. Our friendship means a lot to me. But no matter how close we are I can't seem to imagine myself liking you that way. So i told you that. Exactly that. I told you how much you mean to me, how much i dont want our friendship to end just because a higher level of relationship is impossible. 

You said okay. You said we'll still be friends. You said things wouldn't be awkward. I believed you. I was glad. I was wrong. 

You removed me from Facebook. Probably blocked my number and I never heard from you again. 

You literally became somebody that I used to know.

Sometimes you hurt people because they hurt you back. But what you did to me is far worse then what I did to you.

Dear readers,

Yes sure it hurts knowing the person you love can never love you back the same way. But it hurts even more knowing that your friendship doesn't mean anything if it doesn't lead to the next level. That the friendship can be thrown away if it can't be used as a ladder for something more. That the friendship is just a 'tool'.

Yes sure it hurts knowing you will never get what you WANT . But it hurts even more knowing that you just lost what you NEED.

Ladies and gentlemen, I did not write this post to brag about how I'm the cool one who refused a relationship. Nor to make myself seem like a saint. 

I write this to tell u that people who are Friendzoned aren't the victim. Nobody is. I write this to tell you that when someone tells you that they think you guys are better off as friends - most of the time, they f*cking mean it. They dont just say it to 'escape' or to use that as an excuse.

Im not saying you shouldn't friendzone people. Im just saying that you can't choose who you love. And you can't make someone love you.

Im not saying there's a lot more fishes in the ocean. I know how it feels to want that ONE fish.

Im saying these things happen and one day you'll find out that the things that you want aren't the things that you need.

Goodnight. 

SuperMan

"If can choose what superpower i can have, it would be to have the ability to know the right things to say to anyone, anytime. If my words can be uplifting, then i wouldn't need to fly. If my words can make you fight harder, then i wouldn't need to be stronger. If my words can make you smile, then i wouldn't need anything else. :) " - Ahmad Bukhari, 2nd September 2011.

Has this ever happened to you, when people you really care about tell you their problems and they started crying and you just stand there (or sit whatever) and you're like don't know what to do?

You rack your brain trying to arrange all the right words to say to make a perfect sentence to solve their problems. And you hate yourself for failing to do just that. 

You see, when people tell you their problems, they don't really expect you to be a miracle worker and solve them. Their problems are no mere problems with obvious answers and solutions, with easy decisions and clear options.

They just want you to listen.

Be their confidant. 

But even knowing that won't make that guilt of not knowing what to say, go away. 

It's okay. Having that guilt means you care enough about them to not let them face the problem alone. So stand beside them, pat their back and say 'Hey, wanna know what my superpowers would be?'