Bukhari Explains: Why We Fall In Love

I used to believe that the reason we fall in love with a person is solely because of who that person is. Meaning that our love is fully dependent on their personality, their mentality, their humor or how they look like.

But if there's anything I learn being in my 20's is that we also love people because of who WE are. It is also dependent on OUR personality, OUR mentality, OUR humor and OUR self-image. 

You see, I think we accept the love we think we deserve. We are attracted to those that we feel are compatible with us. We fall in love with people that fit in with our personality, that challenge our minds, make us laugh and make us want to be better versions of ourselves.

We don't only love them, we also love the things they do to us. Like how they make us change the way we view the world, the way they make us believe in our own dreams and the way they make it seem that the world isn't such a bad place after all.

We love them, but perhaps more than that, we love their effect on us.

Which is why sometimes, when you stop loving people, you can look back and think, "What the hell was I thinking the whole time?" It's not because they've changed, it's because YOU have changed. They can no longer fit into your life. You, discovering new things about yourself, sometimes means realizing that the new-you deserves more than what the old-them can give.

The people we are in love with and the friends that we have, are all reflections of ourselves. The people we love, in some ways, define ourselves.

Therefore, we love because we are capable of loving, not just because they are lovable. So the only way to fall in love with the right person is to first be the right person. Change how you view yourself and you'll start seeing that you will be attracted to people who are worth being attracted to. ;)

Friends VS Boyfriends

I miss those days when people are not busy looking for a relationship. Seems like nowadays everywhere you turn you'll see new couples popping up like mushrooms. Hormones? Seasonal flu? Whatever it is, i seem to be immuned to it. 

At just a glance this tweet probably seems factual. That is, however, impossible to determine because there is no valid experiment to prove this theory and im pretty sure no valid statistic has taken place before this 'fact' came up.

But why the popular belief that people who are in a relationship tend to lose a friend a year?

Maybe because we all have lost a friend that way?

People change when they get into a relationship. No doubt. You are just not the same anymore when you've made that kind of commitment. And this change IS NOT BAD. In fact, i think it's mostly good. From my humble view, people who are in a relationship tend to become more matured, wise, loving and protective. They HAVE to change because suddenly, they don't just live for themselves anymore, but for somebody else. That kind of responsibility changes you.

So why the hate? Why do we, the single, left-out friends, moan and complain on how much our friends have changed and how much we miss the old them?

Because we're actually scared. Suddenly, we might not be the most important person in our friends' lives anymore. Suddenly we have to share. Suddenly, this newcomer steals the spotlight. Suddenly, there's competition.

We don't hate how our friends have changed, we're scared of how a relationship changes the dynamic of the friendship.

Bros before hoes? Great in theory, poor in practice.

In total honesty, I DON'T think that people who are in a relationship lose friends because they became overly occupied with their partners and started ignoring their friends.

I believe the real reason is that we, the friends, started ignoring them first.

We hated sooo much of the possibility that our friends might change - WE ourselves changed. We become bitter. We push away our friends and their partners because we're scared. We think that "Before they hurt me, I should retreat."

We ignore invites to go out because we hate being the third-wheel.

We dismiss an invitation to lunch because we gag every time we see them hold hands.

We don't pick up the phone call because we know, they're gonna talk about their partner and how amazing things are - when all u can think of is how much you don't wanna hear about it.

Maybe it's just me. Maybe I'm not matured enough. I should get used to the fact that we're getting older, and finding partners is an important part of growing up. That wanting to find the missing piece of your heart is nature's way of showing that we're entering adulthood.

I just miss those days when you're "friends forever". But now it seems like you're "friends forever, at least until one of us gets married".

But hey, whatever happened to 'I'm happy when you're happy'? Aren't we supposed to be happy that our friends are happier that way? We should be. 

And we will. I'm in the process of accepting that maybe relationship isn't the enemy here, maybe it's me.

We shouldn't let our fear of losing the friendship change us in a way that we start building a wall between our friends and us. We should see that a relationship as an extension to our circle of friends, that our friend's partner is also a friend of ours. And if our friend loves him/her that much, maybe we should put in more effort to at least be happy for them.

I have no idea why I'm crapping about this at such hours. Sucks to be you for reading it till this far. Hahaha.

I promise I'll update more. Until later, then. 

XOXO