Of Being Just Friends

Everyone talks about being Friendzoned. How much it hurts... how embarassing it can get... how pathetic you can feel. In fact, what scares us the most about confessing our real feelings to our friends-who-we-want-to-be-more-than-just, is the infamous phrase:

"I think we're better off as just friends".

Because we don't wanna be JUST friends. We can't sleep, we can't eat and we can't stand knowing that THAT person you love is just a touch away but you can't have them the way you wanna have them. 

So, you see, above all people, i know how it feels...

But no one talks about being the person who does the friendzone. The friendzone-r. The 'bad' guy.

No one talks about how hard it is having to say to your bestfriend, 'I don't like you LIKE that'. No one seems to care that as much as the person who is friendzoned is hurt, the person who friendzones is in deep pain too. It seems less tragic, less pitiful... but the pain is real.

So when you told me you like me, i already knew. It was obvious but I was hoping that I was wrong. Our friendship means a lot to me. But no matter how close we are I can't seem to imagine myself liking you that way. So i told you that. Exactly that. I told you how much you mean to me, how much i dont want our friendship to end just because a higher level of relationship is impossible. 

You said okay. You said we'll still be friends. You said things wouldn't be awkward. I believed you. I was glad. I was wrong. 

You removed me from Facebook. Probably blocked my number and I never heard from you again. 

You literally became somebody that I used to know.

Sometimes you hurt people because they hurt you back. But what you did to me is far worse then what I did to you.

Dear readers,

Yes sure it hurts knowing the person you love can never love you back the same way. But it hurts even more knowing that your friendship doesn't mean anything if it doesn't lead to the next level. That the friendship can be thrown away if it can't be used as a ladder for something more. That the friendship is just a 'tool'.

Yes sure it hurts knowing you will never get what you WANT . But it hurts even more knowing that you just lost what you NEED.

Ladies and gentlemen, I did not write this post to brag about how I'm the cool one who refused a relationship. Nor to make myself seem like a saint. 

I write this to tell u that people who are Friendzoned aren't the victim. Nobody is. I write this to tell you that when someone tells you that they think you guys are better off as friends - most of the time, they f*cking mean it. They dont just say it to 'escape' or to use that as an excuse.

Im not saying you shouldn't friendzone people. Im just saying that you can't choose who you love. And you can't make someone love you.

Im not saying there's a lot more fishes in the ocean. I know how it feels to want that ONE fish.

Im saying these things happen and one day you'll find out that the things that you want aren't the things that you need.

Goodnight. 

The Do's and Dont's in Taking SPM results.

I remember when it was my time to take my SPM results, roughly 2 years ago. I got a lot of tips, mostly bullshits I didn't listen to anyway. I hear a lot of what people have got to say about it, what people say i should do and what i shouldn't do and yadidi yadada blablabla.

But honestly, they were not being honest. 

So here I am writing about the real deal of taking any HUGE examination's results. SPM, in particular, because the result will be out tomorrow.

DO be nervous.
You will get a lot of 'Oh dont be nervous, sweetie-pie! You'll do great!' from family members. Whenever people say that to you, just smile and nod and continue on being nervous. Why? Because you're supposed to! It is okay to be nervous. I was scared shitless when i had to take mine. But there is a thin line separating being nervous from having a nervous breakdown. Keep yourself physically calm, but do not force yourself to kill those butterflies in your stomach or force your legs to stop shaking. Enjoy the momentary buzz of being nervous. It's half the fun. :)

DO NOT. Be a douchebag and say this following phrases to your friends:

'Oh why are you worrying? You'll surely get straight A's! You're smart!'

'You're worried? What about me? I'm the one who should be worrying about the results! Not you! I'm not smart like YOU!'

'Oh come on, you'll surely be the top-scorer!'

No matter how smart your friends are, do not belittle their nervousness or their worries by saying that they will surely do great. I know your intentions are good but this will only do more harm than good. You can talk all you want about the results AFTER getting it. 

DO NOT, if you are a senior, tell your juniors who are getting the results that SPM results are not important. Here's why: They are important. 

It may not determine how well you do in university - yes that is true. But it is important! Do not belittle your juniors efforts of trying their damnest in the exam. You remember when it was your time getting the results? At that moment, getting good results WAS important for you. It's the one thing you wanna do good more than anything in the world. Just because it won't be important later, does not mean it was never important in the first place.

Omg how many times did i use the word 'important'?

DO cry. If you have to. If you want to. Cry if you're happy or if you're sad. Just cry.After getting the results, a huge surge of emotion will tackle you like a sumo-wrestler and even the toughest of us cry. There's nothing shameful about it. 

DO take your time in cooling down. For those who got a result that you are disappointed with, you should take time in cooling down. I know a lot of people will be asking 'Hey what's your result?' and you may not necessarily want to tell them. You can either say gently that you don't wanna tell them or just smile and tell them anyway (but only if they're your friends. If they're some random busybody douchebags then by all means punch them in the face. I'm kidding. Haha. No im not.)

DO thank the teachers. Please, it's the least you could do. Be it your results are as good as you expected or aren't. Be nice, courteous and do smile when you thank your teachers. They have done so much to you. And while MOST teachers will ask you how is your result, do not be offended. They ask because they care (some by reflex) and teachers are people who love you no matter how well you did in the exams. Trust me. 

DO remember that there is no such thing as a BAD result. Your parents may think there is, your douchebag friends may think there is - but no. With whatever results you've got, remember there are always ways for you to make it in the next level.

DO NOT take a whole lot of time thinking how you should've/could've done better in your exam. Sure, you probably didn't have to play video games a week before the exam, you shouldn't had drunk coffee and pull an all-nighter a day before - but what's done is done. Don't dwell on it for too long. You have to keep moving.  

DO celebrate. But don't do it like it's the end of the world. Remember that your journey has not ended and there are more challenges to come. But do have fun. You deserve it. 

DO NOT get thick-headed. For those who did exceptionally well, do not be arrogant and think that you don't have to try as hard the next time any exam comes. Keep the momentum going. Just because you did great in SPM, doesn't mean you'll do well in University. I learned that the hard way. And be reminded that SPM results are based on the graph of results. Meaning the average will somewhat get a C so it depends on the total result of the entire nation. Don't get to cocky if you get an A. It doesn't necessarily mean that you're smart, it just means you're above average. 

DO, however, congratulate yourself for getting an A. I say don't get too cocky, doesn't mean you should start thinking that you don't deserve it. You deserve it. You got it for a reason. Pat yourself at the back. 

The thing is that I wish I had someone telling me this when I was getting my results. But I had to learn it the hard way. It's okay to think that your SPM results is the most important thing RIGHT NOW. But keep in mind that ultimately, it is just a stepping stone to something far greater in your future. 

All the best, beautiful people.

He Pulled The Trigger. But You Loaded The Gun : Teen Suicide.

"Suicide is an emo thing." 

"Only quitters quit."

"They're just too weak, too childish... too spoilt. Come on, we all had it bad, we all were bullied at one point in our lives. Those bunch of crybabies killed themselves - there's nothing to it. I have no nonsense or whatnot, that it is anyone else's fault..."

"I thought it was just a phase... "

"We should have seen it coming..."

"To me, nobody is the victim here. Both society and the person who committed the suicide are at fault. But the biggest fault is done by that person himself/herself." 

"They're just a bunch of drama queens"

'Why on earth would I want to put the blame on myself for something I did not do? If those kids killed themselves, why should I be put on the witness stand? Why should I be questioned for the things I did not do? Why should I be questioned for the things i should have done to prevent it? Why should I answer for the mistake sof others?"

Here's why:

You were jealous of her. So you spread around rumors on the net. You convinced your friends to stay away from her, you said that she's a whore. You made up stories and told them to the whole school. You convinced herself that she would make the world a better place if she kill herself.

Yes, she cut herself and bleed to death... but you sharpen the knife.

Here's why:

He failed one of his exams. You said he's a disappointment. You said that now he has ruined everything. You said he should quit playing around, he should stop seeing his friends. You said that until his grade is nothing less than an A+, he won't get to go out. You said that you would disown him if he fail to get into medical school.

Yes, he swallowed those pills... but you presribed them. 

Here's why:

She was raped and abused. You said she deserved it. You said she wasn't covering up herself so she 'presented' herself to those men. You said the child she's carrying will live forever in sin. You forced her to abort.

Yes, she hanged herself... but you tied the rope.

Here's why:

Because when that girl were feeling insecure for not being skinny, you called her fat right in her face. You said she would never be pretty unless she's skinny. You told her straight out that she needed liposuction. That when she walks, the ground would shake.

Yes, she jumped off the building... but you pushed her.

Here's why:

Because that guy was confused. He liked other men. You called him gay, faggot, queer, homo. You pushed him around and you said he'll go to hell. You tried to change him because you say God won't love him until he does.

Yes he pulled the trigger, but you loaded the gun.

Ladies and gentlemen, to the untrained eyes, there is no way to set apart people who have suicidal tendencies and those who do not. Some people put up a brave face but inside they're crumbling to pieces.

No, they are not weak. Just because you may be stronger does not make them any weaker. Just because you would do something different in the same situation, that does not make them stupid for doing something else. Just because you survived the same thing that they had gone through, does not make their suicide and less sad.

You don't want to think that you might be responsible for someone's death. I understand. You want to think that you had lead a blameless life and you have never, ever bullied someone, or said something bad to other people - so naturally, you feel like you cannot be blamed for these suicides.

But you know what you did do? You ignore. You ignore the signs, the symptoms, the clues... you ignored the issue, you ignored by saying teen suicide is nothing but someone else's problem. Someone else will fix it. 

These people who committed suicide, wanted to live. But we made the world unlivable for them.

We judge. We point fingers. We forgot.

We fight. We argue.

We sleep, thinking we did the right thing.

Meanwhile another kid dies in his own hands.

Ladies and gentlemen, they killed themselves. But we watched. 

SuperMan

"If can choose what superpower i can have, it would be to have the ability to know the right things to say to anyone, anytime. If my words can be uplifting, then i wouldn't need to fly. If my words can make you fight harder, then i wouldn't need to be stronger. If my words can make you smile, then i wouldn't need anything else. :) " - Ahmad Bukhari, 2nd September 2011.

Has this ever happened to you, when people you really care about tell you their problems and they started crying and you just stand there (or sit whatever) and you're like don't know what to do?

You rack your brain trying to arrange all the right words to say to make a perfect sentence to solve their problems. And you hate yourself for failing to do just that. 

You see, when people tell you their problems, they don't really expect you to be a miracle worker and solve them. Their problems are no mere problems with obvious answers and solutions, with easy decisions and clear options.

They just want you to listen.

Be their confidant. 

But even knowing that won't make that guilt of not knowing what to say, go away. 

It's okay. Having that guilt means you care enough about them to not let them face the problem alone. So stand beside them, pat their back and say 'Hey, wanna know what my superpowers would be?'

Hope i can do this right :) *Fingers crossed*

Probably the first post step is the hardest eh?

I cant think of what to write. Hmm... this is harder that I'd imagined it to be. 

There's actually something i wanna write about, but given this is only my first post, i wanna keep the drama for the second, eh? ;)

Today i had a discussion with my friend about parallel universes (random much?) and she said there's a theory that somewhere out there, there's a parallel you. 

And for example, if parallel me (Let's call him Bob for convenience) knows how to play the violin, then if I (not Bob) decided to start playing a violin, i would find it much easier because somehow, non-scientifically, i kinda know how to play it. 

Interesting eh?

I don't know about you guys, but the idea of having another parallel me is disturbing.

There just can't be two awesomest dude in the universe. That's just impossible. It defeats the law of Physics. Or at least the Law of Awesome. *Making a mental note to write the Law of Awesome*

So I'm praying Bob would be less awesome. But awesome nonetheless in his way, in his own galaxy. He at least deserves that. 

I am done crapping for the night.

Until later, toodles doo